Monday, November 08, 2004

OK, I'm more convinced now that Jessica Pivik is taking herself seriously (or maybe just using her column to research her own personal issues). Her column in this week's LSU Reveille is another "exploration" of medical issues rather than a (poor) attempt at shocking sexual humor.

Rather than bore you with a link to her column, I'd like to suggest that you re-visit the best On Top column ever written. It's kind of on the same subject, but retains the wonderful shock value and attempted humor we came to love Jessica for.

It's Jessica's final column from last semester, written for her by Cap'n Ken.

It's better to receive than to give.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

What's up with CNN?

OK, so the wife and I have post-election coverage on this morning. I think everybody knows that CNN is refusing to call Ohio for Bush, but in flipping around, we noticed that even discounting Ohio, CNN has a different elector count than the other networks.

So I went on line and checked out the red/blue maps.

In Ohio, which CNN says is "too close to call", Bush has a lead of 136,000 votes, with 100% of precincts reporting.

In Wisconsin, which CNN is basically alone in calling for Kerry, Kerry has a lead of 13,293 votes, with 99% of precincts reporting.

In Nevada, which CNN is also basically alone in calling for Bush, Bush has a lead of 20,505 votes, with 99% of precincts reporting.

All of the states in question have provisional ballots to count, Ohio is the only one with 100% of precincts reporting and the leading candidate in Ohio has a margin of 100,000 votes more than in Wisconsin or Nevada.

How is it that CNN - which says it's not calling Ohio out of an abundance of caution - is willing to call these other two races before everybody else when they are closer than the race that Fox and NBC have already called?

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Blow Me - I voted!

I spent a full hour at the polling place this morning in order to vote. And, if polls are to be believed, the only real meaningful vote I may have cast was against the Jesus-lovers' anti-gay-marriage amendment here in Georgia. And that'll probably pass anyway. If not for the responsibility I feel to stand up for gay folks (and against Christians), I probably would have bagged it.

But I stuck it out. What bothered, though, were the large number of unopposed races. There's just something really wrong with that. Get in there and fight, people.

Fortunately, the new electronic voting machines made it real easy to write in my own candidates. Just check the "write-in" box and type whatever you want, and that shows up as your vote (although apparently only "official" write-in candidates can get votes - kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?).

So my votes today included:

• U.S. Representative, 5th District: [My own self]

• State Senator: [The Wife]

• State Representative: [The Big Brown Dog]

• DeKalb County Sheriff: Buford Pusser. I figure he'd be good for the job, but I almost voted for Roscoe P. Coltrane.

• DeKalb County CEO: Michael Dell. He's the best CEO I can think of.

• Tax Commissioner: "That Other Guy". No, the system does not check to see if what I wrote looks like an actual name.

• County Commissioner: [My own self]. In case that whole U.S. Rep thing doesn't work out.

• Clerk of DeKalb Superior Court: Adam West. The unopposed incumbent is Lynda Carter, you see.

• Chief Magistrate: "Why Isn't Anybody Else Running".

And then there was that other race - U.S. President.

The choice for me was not between Bush and Kerry. I may despise the Republicans for being pro-Jesus, pro-spending (on old people, at least) and anti-personal-freedom, but the Democrats are still more dangerous by far.

Kerry represents much more of a threat to that which is most important to me - economic freedom. To be clear, the Republicans and Democrats continue to infringe more and more on my economic freedom, and I believe the U.S. is too far gone to reverse the trend. But the Democrats will get us to socialism faster, and therefore I cannot support them. I want to hold on to as much of my economic freedom as I can for as long as I can.

So then the choice was Bush vs. Not Bush.

I've had to hold my nose to vote plenty of times in the past. The last vote I cast in Louisiana, in fact, was for Edwin Edwards. My human friends know how hard that was for me do to, but the alternative was David Duke.

And that's what I was facing today - hold my nose and vote for Bush. A defensive measure to do what I can to beat the Democrats back in a close election. I lectured the wife for weeks that not voting for Bush (she plans to vote Libertarian) is as good as voting for Kerry.

But waiting in line today, I got mad. I started to think about Bush's promotion of an anti-gay-marriage amendment. I started to think about the hundreds of billions of our dollars he's given old people in the prescription drug plan. I started to think about the TSA. I started to think about how he defended reducing income tax rates for high-income-earners by claiming it helps "small businesses" rather than defending it on principle. I started to think about the war in Iraq, and how getting us involved there may be what elects Kerry.

And I couldn't do it.

I cast my vote Libertarian. I don't like the Libertarian candidate, and I think his ideas on the war on terror are dangerously wrong.

But I just couldn't vote Bush.

Monday, November 01, 2004

"Cincinnati's crazy for Cornhole"

That's right. Hard-working, steadfast Ohioans can't get enough of the cornhole.

In fact, the cornhole craze is catching on across America.

Looking to get into cornhole? a Google Search is a good place to start.

And if you want to see some folks enjoying cornhole, a Google Image Search can be quite helpful.

IMPORTANT NOTE: This link will launch a Google Images "safe search on" result set. The link below will launch a Google Images "safe search off" result set. I don't care who you are, where you work or what you do for a living - do not, under any circumstances, click the link below on your work PC. In fact, you may not want to click the link below from any PC, anywhere.

More cornhole images.

Today's sign that we'll learn about the apocalypse from PR Newswire

There's a lot of stuff that comes across my RSS reader every day, and for reasons known only to my human friends, many of them concern Google.

So a couple of minutes ago, a Yahoo! News-delivered press release was picked up because it mentions Google. Here's the release:
Simply Wow(r) Achieves Top Ranking on Search Engine Placement Results at

IDAHO FALLS, Idaho, Nov. 1, 2004 (PRIMEZONE) -- Source Direct Holdings, Inc. (OTCBB:SDRT) announced today that their trademark Simply Wow(r) has achieved a top-response search engine ranking on one of the world's best known search engines:

When an individual searches on Google for Simply Wow(r) a link for information and testimonials about Source Direct's proprietary cleaner is one of the top responses shown. Google does not sell placement in the search engines themselves, or allow companies to pay for higher rankings in the search engine results. Source Direct has been working to increase recognition of its Simply Wow(r) brand in the retail marketplace, as well as on the internet, through a series of press releases that advertises the Simply Wow product and educates the consumer about the advantages of using a highly effective biodegradable, non-toxic, all-purpose cleaner/degreaser.

Deren Smith, President of Source Direct, said this: "Google's utility and ease of use have made it one of the world's best known search engines on the internet. Having Simply Wow(r) in the top ranking of the Google search engine placement results is very exciting for our brand."

Source Direct Holdings, Inc., headquartered in Idaho Falls, Idaho, with manufacturing in Draper, Utah, is a state-of-the-art cleaning technology company that manufactures and markets a proprietary line of all-purpose, all-surface, highly effective, non-toxic, biodegradable cleaning products to the multi-billion dollar consumer household and private label automotive cleaning products industry. Simply Wow(r) is a registered trademark of Source Direct Holdings, Inc. For additional information, visit our web-site at or contact Phil Flynn at: 800-815-8069.

Forward-Looking Statements

Certain statements contained in this press release are forward-looking statements that involve risks and uncertainties. The statements contained herein that are not purely historical are forward looking statements within the meaning of Section 27A of the Securities Act of 1933, as amended and Section 21E of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934, as amended. Forward-looking statements deal with the Company's current plans, intentions, beliefs and expectations and statements of future economic performance. Statements containing terms like "believes," "does not believe," "plans," "expects," "intends," "estimates," "anticipates" and other phrases of similar meaning are considered to imply uncertainty and are forward-looking statements.

Forward-looking statements involve known and unknown risks and uncertainties that may cause the Company's actual results in future periods to differ materially from what is currently anticipated. Factors that could cause or contribute to such differences include those discussed from time to time in reports filed by the Company with the Securities and Exchange Commission. The Company cannot guarantee its future results, levels of activity, performance or achievements.

That's right. The company issued a press release to say their trademarked name appears first in Google when a user searches for that trademarked name.

In related news, appears first when you search for "Coca Cola" on Google; appears first when you search for "Swiffer" and Cap'n Ken's Homespun Wisdom appears first when you search for "Cap'n Ken's Homespun Wisdom" (ok, still the old site, but you get the point.

This week with Jessica Pivik

Well, it's good to see Jessica Pivik is taking the journalism advice of The Cap'n.

In this week's wonderful article on "jelqing", Jessica gives full attribution to all of her Googled "sources". Well done.

But she writes about the "jelqing" technique with what appears to be first-hand (so to speak) knowledge. I'd imagine she lifted the details of the process from Google, but what if she really is writing from personal knowledge?

This might explain her obsession with the wilder aspects of sexual behavior.

Has Jessica spent significant time with shorties? Did she, in desperation, jelq some poor Bishop Sullivan boy to the brink of disaster back in high school? And has she created this "On Top" persona out of the shame springing from this string of shorties?