Sunday, July 18, 2004

Bear hunting is legal, right?

I experienced BJs this weekend (always a good time ...), and I came very close to not buying Charmin to fulfill our bathroom tissue needs.
 
Why? Three words:
 
THOSE FUCKING BEARS!
 
Maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about. So let me catch you up ...
 
Some time ago, Charmin introduced a new ad campaign featuring these cartoon bears backed by this obnoxious jingle that goes something like "Hey little fella, gotta change your touch ... what you thought was enough, might be too much ... it's more cushiony than ever before ... Charmin Ultra, less is more." If you care to, you can torture yourself with the song online. See the link below.
 
I first heard that jingle on Sirius without the visual of the cartoon bears, and just the song itself drove me nuts. Then the wife went off one morning when the commercial came on CNN.
 
Then I pick up a pack of Charmin at BJs, and what's on the package? The little Charmin baby? No. The big, stupid cartoon bears.
 
[editor's note: I always thought it was strange that Charmin used babies on their packaging, considering that babies don't know how to use toilet paper. In fact, if babies did know how to use toilet paper, I might have one by now.]
 
Worse yet, the big, stupid cartoon bears are trying to tell me how much toilet paper I should use. Look, Yogi, I bought this fucking toilet paper, and I'll use as much as I damn well please. If I want to dry myself off after a shower with fucking toilet paper, that's my damn business.
 
It's enough to make a man buy Angel Soft (except that Charmin feel sooooooooooo good).
 
Click the link below to hear the Charmin Bear Indoctrination Song for yourself. NOTE: Cap'n Ken's Homespun Wisdom is not responsible for irritability, anger, physical pain or emotional scarring which may be associated with listening to this jingle. Consult your physician before listening.
 
Charmin Bear Indoctrination Song

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