Monday, April 12, 2004

... and smart, too

Tonight, the wife and I watched a good bit of the Miss USA pageant, Donald Trump's slightly-more-trashy-than-Miss-America parade of over-made-up girls with fake smiles.

We watched for a couple of reasons. First, it's fun to mock the contestants. The girl from Utah looked like some Mormon version of Jenny McCarthy, more than a few looked like $1,000/hour hookers and I'm convinced the geeky little Miss Vermont actually was a Howard Dean volunteer until a couple of months ago.

But even more fun are the Q&A sessions with the finalists. I remember a few years ago a contestant was asked who she would most like to spend a cross-country flight sitting next to. Her well-rehearsed answer to the "famous person" question was - Thomas Jefferson.

I believe a cross-country plane ride conversation wtih Thomas Jefferson would go something like:

"Dear God in Heaven!!! What hath Hell wrought???" (see, T.J. died about 100 years before the birth of modern aviation).

In any case, the highlight of tonight's Q&A with the finalists was the very heavily-tanned Miss South Carolina's exchange with the pageant host:


Host: "You are a Healing Species advocate. Tell me what that is.

Miss. S.C.: "It actually takes stray dogs and stray children and brings them together, and teaches them love and compassion."


Well, thank God somebody's finally stepping forward to help solve South Carolina's feral children problem.

Then in the "final question" (not to be confused with the Q&A), she gave us this exchange:
Host: "Do you think it is acceptable for celebrities to voice their opinion on political issues?"

Miss S.C.: "Absolutely not. I think they should be given the same right that we as Americans are given. We are allowed to voice our opinions by going and voting, and so they do the same thing. And I think that they can help us to encourage us to go and vote and share their opinion. You can have a variety of opinion ... so ... it's fine."

I guess she thinks: a) "acceptable" means "bad" and b) "celebrities" currently lack the same right "we as Americans" have.

Somehow, Miss South Carolina came in as First Runner-Up, beating out the smokin' Miss Oklahoma:



... who shot herself in the foot by blowing both the Q&A and the "final question" (she said if she could have dinner with anyone in the world tonight, it would be Justin Timberlake ... sad - but she's only 18.), the also-smokin' Miss North Carolina:



... who may be the only Emory graduate who looks good in a J-Lo nipple-tape dress, and Miss Tennessee, who would be really hot if her gum-heavy fake "pageant" grin didn't make her look like a rabid pit bull:



Oh yeah ... Miss Missouri won:



She's pretty cute in a "beauty queen" sort of way, I guess (but she's no Miss Oklahoma ... excuse me while I scroll back up ...). But she said the craziest thing she's ever done is wrestling a greased pig in a mud pit. That's pretty cool. But, then again, she apparently was in the Miss America pageant in 2002, also as Miss Missouri. Somehow that seems like cheating or something, doesn't it?

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