Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Clearing my good name ...

Last night, the wife told me she received an email from Woodhill Will in response to her blog about our brunch at the Heaving Bowl. Will expressed his hatred (he is hardly alone there) for Good News Cafe, but he also called the Cap'n's manhood into question because I had ordered a Diet Coke - rather than coffee - before noon.

First off ... say it to my face, buddy. Don't sneak off an email to the wife badmouthing my supposed offenses against the coffee culture.

I believe the wife explained my choice correctly - when we go out to brunch, my drink decision is driven by how many cups of coffee I've already had that day. Typically on the weekends I have three or four "cups" (16-ouncers, I guess) of coffee before we get moving. So if we're out at bunch after 11 or so, I usually have had my fill of coffee, and I switch to the cold stuff.

My friend, I can pound coffee with the best of them. I'm a caffeine addict of major proportions. And because my consumption is driven more by the addiction than love for the taste of any particular beverage; the practical concerns of delivering my fix come first.

On the weekends, I enjoy a constant stream of coffee, Diet Coke and Venti Quad Iced Lattes. What I drink during the day is mostly determined by what's available at the time.

During the work week, I have one or two - depending on how early I get up - cups of coffee at home, then I grab a Diet Coke from the fridge for the ride to work. I choose Diet Coke for the commute because I can toss the can when I'm done; I'm not good at getting travel mugs back to the house before critters begin living in them.

When I get to work, I have two cups of the Royal Crap we have in the breakroom during the morning - creamed up with the stash of mini-moos I buy at Publix and keep in my desk drawer. I drink my work coffee, by the way, out of the super-rocking, black LAPD Narcotics Group coffee mug I bought in a Vegas junk store a couple years ago. It's got a big, Dragnet-style LAPD badge on it and all that. I love setting that thing down on the table during morning meetings.

I'm done with the coffee by 10:30 or so. When I have an 11:00 meeting, I grab a 20-ounce Diet Coke from the machine to hold me over until lunch. The big bags of dimes and nickels I put together before our move helps with my Diet Coke costs.

At lunch, I usually swing by Quik Trip to grab a 32-ouncer from the fountain, and I work on it until I get back to the office. If it's still more than half-full, I bring it in with me. If not, it stays in the car.

I get another 20-ouncer for the afternoon, and depending on my meeting load I may get a third one later in the day (I drink constantly during meetings for some reason).

On the drive home I finish off the watered-down remnants of the QT drink (if it's there), or sometimes I'll stop on Howell Mill and fetch me a fresh beverage for the rest of the ride.

At home I usually have just one more Diet Coke during the evening, and sometimes the wife will brew a pot of Community. Oddly, I don't seem to have built up any resistance to the effects of caffeine, as I can't get to sleep if I drink coffee after 9 p.m.

On a typical work day, I consume somewhere between 4 and 6 quarts of caffeinated beverage. This, of course, is why I switched from Coke to Diet Coke and stopped sugaring my coffee.

Yes, I have a problem. But I will not stand for challenges to my coffee cred, Mr. Will.


Blogger mark sehgal said...

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9:49 AM  

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