Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Cap'n Ken answers your search questions ...

Seeing as the Wisdom is already in the "holiday spirit" today (see entry below), I think it's fitting to answer a very special search question that led somebody here yesterday.

A Yahoo! searcher asks:

Words and Phrases Used to Emcee a Christmas Party

Well, apart from the obvious things such as "Welcome to the Christmas Party" or "Is everybody having a good time?", let me suggest a few effective seasonal words and phrases to spice up your emcee hosting gig.

• The use of the term "yule log" as a euphemism for human feces is always a hit during the holidays. I'd suggest something like "Hey, I guess Bob's got to go check on the yule log" when you see somebody get up and leave the room.

• If there's a woman at the party who has a "reputation", you might work in the "naughty or nice" line. For example "Santa didn't have to check to see whether Amber had been naughty or nice this year. He'd already heard all the stories."

• Also in the sexual innuendo department, see if you can fit phrases like "Christmas cookies", "Santa's lap", "Nutcracker" and "stocking stuffer" into the mix.

• Although most Christmas words and phrases were, in fact, created specifically to be used as sexual innuendo, there are a few more suitable for polite company. "God bless us - everyone" is an effective way to show everyone that you are both understand the religious significance of Christmas and get all of your religious phrases from Charles Dickens' stories.

• Using the names "Jesus" and "Santa" interchangeably is another way to show you understand the true meaning of Christmas. Try lines such as "I hope Jesus brings me a HDTV this year" or "In this glorious season when we celebrate the birth of the baby Santa."

• And assuming this is, in fact, a "Christmas" party, it's always fun to say something like "If there are any Jews here, take your damned souls away from my God's celebration right now!"

I hope this small list of suggestions is helpful in planning your Christmas party emcee duties.

And, again, thanks for looking to the Cap'n to answer your most pressing search questions.

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